Once again, I am writing my blog from high in the sky on United airlines on my way home from AAAI Cape Cod. Bruce and I will be home for one day before we fly off to SCW Dallas. As I look at my calendar, I see most weekends full until Thanksgiving with conferences and trainings. Other then the long airplane trips to bring me to those events, this busy schedule brings me great joy.
Labor Day is a travel weekend but not for work. In 2 weeks, Bruce and I are elated that we will reunite with our 3 boys in Florida for a quick 2-day family reunion. Most of Bruce’s extended family lives in Orlando so we are all meeting there for Bruce’s uncle’s 89th birthday.
- Drew is 30 and a director living in Los Angeles
- Chris is 28, a creative stage designer also living in Los Angeles
- Casey is 24, a Scuba Dive Instructor who lives in Hawaii
We will be all together for one and a half days in Orlando, then we all fly back to our homes on Sunday. A short sweet trip.
These family meetings are fewer and farther between. I hated to just type that as I got a small pit in my stomach. Drew is 30! 30! How did that happen? How could I have a son who is 30? How totally completely bittersweet. I love that they are all responsible, loving, caring, balanced, self-supporting (this is really great) young men… but I really miss my little boys. I miss being their mom on a daily basis. I miss not having them near to grab and squeeze whenever I want. I miss their interaction with each other and their comings and goings.
I guess you can say I am yearning. Yearning for more time. I have exactly the life I want and I know that all that I set in motion before now is why I am where I am today. Yet, I still wish sometimes I could have some of those weekends back. Weekends that I missed out on soccer games and beach parties and iron chef battles and movie making (looking back on all the movies that Bruce and the boys created on weekends when I was away reminded me that I wasn’t in any of them).
We all yearn I think. Yearn for what was or what might have been or what could be different. And then we ponder what is and what is, is pretty good. My boys are all loving, caring, balanced, self-supporting young men. They call home often just to check in and let us know they love us. So as I yearn for perhaps more time from the past. I pat myself on the back knowing that all of our experiences have led my family to become what it currently is and that is good. No, that is great! I did what I needed to do at the time, to be where I am today, and all these young men are no worse for wear because of it. Actually, they are quite fine.
So I will squeeze my boys in 2 weeks for 2 whole days. I will remember that they will always be my boys and I will always be their mom, no matter our proximity in location. This family is a-okay, even if mom missed some movie making. After all, there are many movies yet to make.